Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Its about making memories worth repressing
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
