im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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