Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
