Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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