guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
