for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
