Christians are straight up FREAKS
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
