i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you will always have a special place in my vag
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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