woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
