p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize