the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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