At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
