So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
