then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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