I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
