You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
