Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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