Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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