I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The air was thick with penises
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
