i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i think my cat just said my name.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
