This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
