I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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