Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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