Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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