I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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