You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
