i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
