He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
