I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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