Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
