DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
