Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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