it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
