Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
