I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
