two words...techno handjob
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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