dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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