ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
