it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
