My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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