I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
