what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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