Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
