I think my fart just growled at me.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
