Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
