mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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