Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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