can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
