that's an acceptable place to lick
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My vagina is very pro this idea
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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