i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you guys were way drunker than both of me
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
