im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
