You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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