well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
