Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
