its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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