Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am available for nakedness
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
