its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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