belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How does one acquire holy water?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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