i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
