I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
