u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
