Screwed.edu
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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