Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
