Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I think your dad took our porno
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
