I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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