So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize