that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
