I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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